The office is one of the safest places you could possibly work. You come in, you sit down, and you tap away at a keyboard for a few hours. What’s the worst that can happen? Electrocution by the office toaster? Well, as far-fetched as that may seem, it could happen. And that’s not the only hidden danger in the office.

Here are a few things for the on-site freelancer to be wary of…

You’re toast

In 2007 campaign group Save our Seas claimed that more people were killed by toasters each year than by sharks. However, their claim that 791 people were killed by toasters in 2006 compared to only four by sharks appears to have little validity. Besides the UK no longer keeps statistics on these matters and only four Americans were reported killed by toasters between 2000 and 2006.

Nonetheless, if you still eat Poptarts, toasters are a substantial threat – if I remember rightly there were whole episodes of Watchdog dedicated to Poptarts flying out of toasters and scalded children’s faces.

A few things to remember when using a toaster:

1) Don’t eat Poptarts.

2) Don’t stick knives in ‘live’ toasters to remove bits of bread.

3) Don’t take a close up look as your bread is being heated. It’s not that interesting.

4) Don’t use the toaster as a rugby ball.

Mind the stairs

Offices are usually based in multi-story buildings. To get to your designated office, you might need to climb the stairs. Then, when you finish work, descend them. Tricky. The home office is usually worse – especially for child bearing freelancers – where roller boots and skateboards are ready to send you flying down the staircase in the manner of perennial idiot Frank Spencer.

Here’s some advice on using the stairs safely:

1) Walk slowly up and down the stairs regardless of how much of a hurry you are in.

2) Hold on to the bannister for dear life. If there isn’t one, hold onto a colleague – that way they can break your fall.

3) Concentrate on every step – don’t let any co-workers distract you with conversation. Demand silence if need be.

4) Wear stair friendly footwear. Dunlop trainers can offer particularly good grip.

Elevated risk

And if it’s not the stairs, it’s the elevator you need to watch out for. Apart from cars they are the most used form of transport in industrialised countries. Of course, one of the most dangerous aspects of being in a lift is getting stuck with Peter from IT. Apart from that accidents can also occur due to ‘user error.’ Here’s how to avoid any problems:

1) When the door opens, ensure there is a lift inside – and not a death drop.

2) Don’t try and stop the door closing with a body part. It may get jammed. And ripped off.

3) If the elevator gets stuck, don’t climb out the top Bruce Willis style. Be a wimp and hit the panic button.

4) Also, if the lift gets stuck you should apparently sit down, so that it doesn’t knock you off your feet when it jolts back into life.

5) Use the stairs if Peter from IT is about to join you.

Food for thought

Ever had a look in the fridge at work? It’s often full of mouldy cheese, slices of meat open stacked on top of each other and the same tub of butter from before Christmas. The innards of the fridge are green, and there is always some kind of liquid dripping from one of the shelves. A few words:

1) Don’t eat anything in there!

2) Don’t drink anything in there!

3)  Don’t touch anything in there!

4) Have a shower afterwards.

Please note the Freelance Advisor fridge is perfectly clean and well maintained.

Photo by Frédéric Bisson – CC