If you’re a freelancer or contractor who gets on famously with your clients, you may well be invited to a Christmas party this year.
I, for one, have a few parties to attend. In fact, I’ve already crashed and burned at one. And that got me thinking: How am I going to handle the rest of them? Can I get through these parties without being the office bore or making a social faux pas?
These are some of the things I’ll be doing to get through the festive knees-up:
Remembering names: Being able to refer to people by their correct names is pretty important. At a recent party I called someone’s name across the room several times. She was a work acquaintance who I’d known for about a year – and the wife of the boss. I couldn’t understand why she wasn’t responding. Then a friend of mine (who didn’t know her) shouted her name even louder, forcing her to turn around and reply bluntly: “Why are you calling me that? That’s not my name.” I half-heartedly tried to point the finger at my friend, but it was all in vain, she had heard me call the name already. And so had everyone else. It wouldn’t have been so bad but I knew this person pretty well. Cue everyone asking me how I forgot. There was no logical answer.
I did my upmost to drink away the memory and lost a day’s work as a result. I will be revising names from now on – or just referring to people as ‘you’ ‘he’ ‘she’ ‘it’ etc, as a strict social policy.
Talking about work: Because you’ve got nothing else to talk about. This is a risky one to go for because it can lead to a dull conversation. However, it is a useful ice breaker in the early stages of a party. “Hey there! So what’s it like working for Company X!?”
Using subtle self-promotion: It may be a Christmas party, but that doesn’t mean you can’t promote yourself in some way. People may actually be interested in what you do. After all, you’re talking to people shackled by the notion of full-time employment. You can be an inspiration, a beacon of hope in an otherwise gloomy world. And they may know someone who needs your expertise. Keep that elevator pitch at the ready!
Discussing the big news events of the year: everyone likes a topical conversation – and they can potentially last for hours. Who will be the last one standing? Popular ones this year include: student protestors, Wikileaks, the lost world cup, the coalition government, and… the royal wedding, perhaps. Play devils advocate or Mr/Ms Agreeable.
Getting immersed in office gossip: ask for a quick guide to the office personalities, that way you can negotiate your way around office politics – and potentially exploit them. It’s all about being tactical, if you’re particularly mean you might set opposing parties off against each other, then stand back and watch the spark ignite.
Making brief social stops: Instead of engaging someone in a long conversation just talk to everyone for a short amount of time, this way you don’t send anyone into a downward spiral of disinterest, boredom, dismay, irritation, and then finally unrepressed anger. Also by only really getting around to pleasantries everyone will say, “hey that freelancer person seemed nice.”
Talking vaguely about sport: Read up on the latest goings on in sport before leaving for the party. Find out who is in the top four of the premiership, who the leading goalscorers are and what the latest gossip is. You may need this information just to get the conversation started, after which point you can simply let them babble on, and on, and on, until THEY are the office bore.
Drinking as a way out: Here’s advice not suitable for the alcoholic contractor: just drink ridiculous amounts so that you quickly become a mess and everyone remembers you as the “legend” who was done by 9 o’clock. Make sure you have a taxi booked for this time. Though perhaps only male contractors can get away with this – call me a chauvinist.
Hearing the laughter and leaving: Take the wisdom of a stand up comic – leave with your biggest laugh. If at any point during the evening you say something genuinely funny that leaves everyone in stitches, just walk away. Make your excuses and leave the party because you know it can only go downhill from there.
Admittedly most of these techniques emphasise the need for survival and escape, but I’m sure office parties can be enjoyed without any awkward moments. They say that most people will be fine if they just relax and be themselves; but that really depends on who your are. Or more accurately, how you are.
Don’t have a Christmas party to go to? Don’t despair just yet! We’re throwing our own in Brighton this Wednesday (15th December) – more information here.
